It took a conversation with Mistress Jennifer to make me realise that me and Kim haven’t been communicating properly. Everything since last year has been by nods and winks rather than really talking about it. I know that she has backed away from openly being unfaithful and she knows i accept that she needs more than i can offer her. On Saturday night we talked properly for the first time in ages. I initiated it by talking about Friday, when she didn’t get back till 3am. I said i realised she was probably with someone else and i didn’t mind that but what i did mind was not knowing where she was because i get worried about her. She seemed pleased by that, as Mistress Jennifer predicted she would be. ‘I thought you just didn’t care ,’ she said. I told it was just the opposite. ‘Don’t you get jealous?’ she said. I said of course i did, madly jealous, but i also realised that if i really loved her i have to live with it. She smiled at that and told me she loved me and that she was lucky to have me and that not many men would understand the way i did. We kissed and we talked more. I asked her why she’d backed away from seeing other people. She said she hadn’t backed away just become more discreet about it. She said she thought it was unfair rubbing my nose in it as she had done before and that she didn’t like what it had done to her either. That puzzled me and she said she had got scared of the way she enjoyed flirting openly in front of me, and how humiliating me made her feel more desirable but how she hated lying and saying i was her flatmate and she thought she was jeopardising everything that we had by doing it. She told me she knew i was the one i wanted to be with and even though she needed other lovers i was the one she always wanted to come back to. “Even though i can’t satisfy you?’ I said. “Of course you can,” she said. ‘Just not in that way. Have you got any idea how jealous my friends get when i tell them about that tongue of yours?’ I finished the evening demonstrating that again to her. I feel so much better that we talked.
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